I have been to many places, I have seen many faces (no,not in Eldee’s voice). So,it happened that I picked up my bag with the necessaries and kicked off on another epiphanic journey; one of many, one of one. There is something to be said for these journies; cathartic. Thinking on the directions things are taking, the failed plans and in the ones in the works, it is all silent here. Tired,I sit down reveling in the solitude until,
I look around for the source, see no one and shrug it off as me hearing things.
“Dude,if u fart,you dead”. I jump up and look down on the rock I just stood up from only to see it was the one talking. Taking it in stride, I walk back towards the rock, sit on the ground directly in front of it and wait for it to talk again. A beat, a minute and a while later, I talk.
“I’m dapo, confused human, (“obviously” I think I hear him/it/she mutter, looking bored), arsenal fan (sighed and smh-ed for me when I said this),first of four children and standing at life’s juncture, pondering on what next. I know I am talking to a rock expecting a reply, but crazier things have being known to happen.” Silence. I am starting to think i imagined it all when the rock spoke.” Glad to meet. If I had hands, I would shake. In the meantime, sit down, don’t rest your back, pop corn is not available but let us talk. I am in need of company too.” And so started an existential discussion on all things. Religion was discussed with us agreeing to disagree as he could not provide me an answer to the question on which God really is God. We discussed footie and I was told, well nevermind, just know the rock is a man utd fan. We laughed to our fill and seemed that would be all we would when, against the flow, the rock asked what ailed me. At this point, laughter took a sabbatical and I sighed.
“I am afraid of tomorrow. i am asssailed by questions i can’t answer. i ask myself if I am prepared to leave the security afforded me by my parents and i can’t give myself a definite answer. Would i be able to be a big brother to my siblings, son to my parents, husband to my wife, father to my children. Would I be rich cos i go out everyday and see people walking the walkways, sitting on pavements and I think to myself that those people once had dreams and those dreams definitely did not involve them walking the pavements or sitting on culverts. Where did they go wrong? Did they even go wrong if one is to believe in the concept of predestination, fate, destiny. I tell myself I am the captain of my ship, the decider of my own fate, that I make my own destiny and then I say to myself “Dapo, really?are you?”. You know, I am also angry. Angry at the world for being wicked. For being born in a country where every succeeding administration seems to up the preceding in its seemly incompetence and degenerative attitudes. I don’t read the papers anymore. It is nought but sad news and galling stories of brigandage, doublespeak and tantamount insult of the people’s collective intelligence. *sigh* I am tired.” During this outpourings, I didn;t look up because my eyes were smarting from the tears that were threatening to spill over, I looked and, and the rock, it was crying. So, i gave free rein to my pain and cried and howled at the world for being the way it is. No answers were given me. Not by the world nor the rock but today, I told a rock a story, my story, the Nigerian story and it wept.
I am still searching for answers but my resolve is strong now. I might not know where I will end up but I sure as hell would try to go where I want to be. When life roars, I would roar too. Equals we shall deal with each other; at the end of it all when death arrives to collect, I intend to have given as much as it has dealt and come out top.